hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I want a musical about memes.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
