Screwed.edu
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize