I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
