we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
