when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
im on a boat
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