Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
