You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize