But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
