That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize