Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
