Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Text me some of your sweat
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
