Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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