Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
the condom got lost in my hair
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
