if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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