I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize