The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
