I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
