He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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