I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
