i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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