If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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