well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
When did angry sex become our thing?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
