If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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