I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Randomize
