you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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