is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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