I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
