I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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