fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
