Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
