Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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