the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
