new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
