That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Every concussion has its silver lining
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
