She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
i black out too much to be "responsible"
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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