please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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