I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
