I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
