Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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