Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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