Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
