Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
