yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
