.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
