In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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