I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Do vagina's smell?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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