Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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