YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
