dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
