you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
