Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
