We're facebook friends in real life
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
