Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
