smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
