I wish my penis had an off switch
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
