Cold hands, warm shart.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
