its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
