You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
