No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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