I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
