I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
