that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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