new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
