my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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