i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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