Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
