I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Everyone says I win the strip club
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize