Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
