I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
