Swine flu. Run for my life!
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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