Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
