walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
